Sunday, February 25, 2007
mOuTh...
Me and my mouth. There have been more than a hundred times that my mouth has a tendency to not know when to shut up. But then again I have only myself to blame for not shutting it. Yep, just the other night my mouth said something that had hurt someone that I care a lot. So yeah, sometimes I say things without thinking. Or sometimes I say things that I didn’t think meant that much of a deal. Boy, at these times I wish that I just had simply shut my mouth. Lost of appetite, nausea and plain guilt sweeps through me and makes me feel sick. I hate it. I hate my mouth sometimes. Let’s not mention my teeth… he he he… oh well, in the effort to better myself I just have to deal with it…
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
bE HaPPy....
Why is it that you find it easy to express your feelings to some people and hard to others? Why is it easy to say “I like you” to some and hard to others? I don’t know. Does the trouble lies on the person who’s saying it or the person they’re saying it to? I don’t know that either. What I do know is that sometimes it’s hard for me to say some things. To ask for something. So I find myself saying it in my heart, begging even, hoping in some weird way that some mental “magic” would work and that my wants would be known even without me saying… he he he… It usually doesn’t work… I find my heart saying “Please, please, please…” and all I get is… “….”I guess I’m the only one to blame since my stupid mouth couldn’t move. I mean to rely on some mental “magic” is stupid. I should learn to just say it. Say what I feel and what I want… he he he… Saying it is easy but doing it is hard. I have learned to not speak and not to voice my wants. In doing so I have learned to be a pessimist and I have aced the subject. So why am I even considering of changing? Being a pessimist makes me happy, it makes me expect the least from life and I am hardly disappointed. Okay, so perhaps I don’t want to change from being a pessimist. Perhaps all I want is a little courage in saying some things. Voicing out my wants and not be so afraid of the consequences and just hope that silver lining. Don’t worry, be happy…
Thursday, February 01, 2007
gOOdByE....
How many times have you ever said, goodbye? Me? Countless times. I usually said goodbye after each encounter. A simple encounter goodbye to end a conversation as I see it. As for the goodbye that counts… those goodbye that will leave a mark on your life and heart… he he he… As if I’m ever going to tell my inner most feelings… ha ha ha… That is so not me…Some people are so good with goodbye. These are the people that always have a sort of closure with their relationship. Some are bad with goodbye. They run away from it and forever have this unending feeling of incompletion. These people never have their closure. But if you really think about it, what is it that they really fear? Perhaps what they really fear is the closure, so why do it? Maybe by not saying goodbye, in their heart the relationship will never end. The encounter will never end. I guess in a way, a no closure isn’t such a bad thing if you could keep something good alive inside of you.
That’s the things with goodbye. It’s such a final thing. It’s an end to something. It’s a goodbye. Hey I’m no linguist or poet. That’s the best way I could put it. I guess a goodbye only hurts when you know it’s a final goodbye. That this goodbye means that there is no other hello… that this is the last that you’ll see of that person. Time could pass for years and still you will never ever see the person again. This goodbye will leave a sort of void in your heart. A goodbye to a good friend. A goodbye to a family member. A goodbye for a life you once had… But if you are really lucky, something else will fill the void… Something nice, maybe even something better…
Then there the couple’s break up goodbye. My, my, this has got to be one of the worst. Yep, this is when the waterworks will start. A full downpour. Usually done by the girl and usually lasts for ages. However they are on occasion where the guy will have his own little trail of tears. In my opinion, leave the guy to cry if he feels like it. Leave him alone. If his heart is breaking then let it leak. But that doesn’t mean I approve of a full spectacle of a crying scene. Nope. A few quiet tears are okay. However, if his heart is really in a million pieces then he could just cry his heart out long and hard but in private. No girl likes a crybaby. Yep. This is where you differentiate it. A few single tears, a sensitive guy, a full waterworks, a crybaby. Simple really how a girls mind work… or at least some normal girls mind… he he he…
People always say, the shorter the encounter, the easier the goodbye. How true is this? To me, time is really a relative thing. Here, the heart is the one in control. And everyone knows where the heart is concern, time means nothing. I mean just look at all the love at first sight. First sight, how long is that, a few seconds? A minute? A few minute? I honestly don’t know. Then there’s the love that grows on you. One that creeps up to your heart and slowly grow. This kind can take ages to finally develop into a full fledged love.
So why is goodbye so hard when the hello just happen a short while ago? I don’t know… I guess the heart is the only one that will ever really know…
Hmmm… I think this entry is getting a little too long… So it is with a heavy heart, a very, very heavy heart indeed, I say… Goodbye…
...gOoDByE...
