Sunday, February 25, 2007
mOuTh...
Me and my mouth. There have been more than a hundred times that my mouth has a tendency to not know when to shut up. But then again I have only myself to blame for not shutting it. Yep, just the other night my mouth said something that had hurt someone that I care a lot. So yeah, sometimes I say things without thinking. Or sometimes I say things that I didn’t think meant that much of a deal. Boy, at these times I wish that I just had simply shut my mouth. Lost of appetite, nausea and plain guilt sweeps through me and makes me feel sick. I hate it. I hate my mouth sometimes. Let’s not mention my teeth… he he he… oh well, in the effort to better myself I just have to deal with it…
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
bE HaPPy....
Why is it that you find it easy to express your feelings to some people and hard to others? Why is it easy to say “I like you” to some and hard to others? I don’t know. Does the trouble lies on the person who’s saying it or the person they’re saying it to? I don’t know that either. What I do know is that sometimes it’s hard for me to say some things. To ask for something. So I find myself saying it in my heart, begging even, hoping in some weird way that some mental “magic” would work and that my wants would be known even without me saying… he he he… It usually doesn’t work… I find my heart saying “Please, please, please…” and all I get is… “….”I guess I’m the only one to blame since my stupid mouth couldn’t move. I mean to rely on some mental “magic” is stupid. I should learn to just say it. Say what I feel and what I want… he he he… Saying it is easy but doing it is hard. I have learned to not speak and not to voice my wants. In doing so I have learned to be a pessimist and I have aced the subject. So why am I even considering of changing? Being a pessimist makes me happy, it makes me expect the least from life and I am hardly disappointed. Okay, so perhaps I don’t want to change from being a pessimist. Perhaps all I want is a little courage in saying some things. Voicing out my wants and not be so afraid of the consequences and just hope that silver lining. Don’t worry, be happy…
Thursday, February 01, 2007
gOOdByE....
How many times have you ever said, goodbye? Me? Countless times. I usually said goodbye after each encounter. A simple encounter goodbye to end a conversation as I see it. As for the goodbye that counts… those goodbye that will leave a mark on your life and heart… he he he… As if I’m ever going to tell my inner most feelings… ha ha ha… That is so not me…Some people are so good with goodbye. These are the people that always have a sort of closure with their relationship. Some are bad with goodbye. They run away from it and forever have this unending feeling of incompletion. These people never have their closure. But if you really think about it, what is it that they really fear? Perhaps what they really fear is the closure, so why do it? Maybe by not saying goodbye, in their heart the relationship will never end. The encounter will never end. I guess in a way, a no closure isn’t such a bad thing if you could keep something good alive inside of you.
That’s the things with goodbye. It’s such a final thing. It’s an end to something. It’s a goodbye. Hey I’m no linguist or poet. That’s the best way I could put it. I guess a goodbye only hurts when you know it’s a final goodbye. That this goodbye means that there is no other hello… that this is the last that you’ll see of that person. Time could pass for years and still you will never ever see the person again. This goodbye will leave a sort of void in your heart. A goodbye to a good friend. A goodbye to a family member. A goodbye for a life you once had… But if you are really lucky, something else will fill the void… Something nice, maybe even something better…
Then there the couple’s break up goodbye. My, my, this has got to be one of the worst. Yep, this is when the waterworks will start. A full downpour. Usually done by the girl and usually lasts for ages. However they are on occasion where the guy will have his own little trail of tears. In my opinion, leave the guy to cry if he feels like it. Leave him alone. If his heart is breaking then let it leak. But that doesn’t mean I approve of a full spectacle of a crying scene. Nope. A few quiet tears are okay. However, if his heart is really in a million pieces then he could just cry his heart out long and hard but in private. No girl likes a crybaby. Yep. This is where you differentiate it. A few single tears, a sensitive guy, a full waterworks, a crybaby. Simple really how a girls mind work… or at least some normal girls mind… he he he…
People always say, the shorter the encounter, the easier the goodbye. How true is this? To me, time is really a relative thing. Here, the heart is the one in control. And everyone knows where the heart is concern, time means nothing. I mean just look at all the love at first sight. First sight, how long is that, a few seconds? A minute? A few minute? I honestly don’t know. Then there’s the love that grows on you. One that creeps up to your heart and slowly grow. This kind can take ages to finally develop into a full fledged love.
So why is goodbye so hard when the hello just happen a short while ago? I don’t know… I guess the heart is the only one that will ever really know…
Hmmm… I think this entry is getting a little too long… So it is with a heavy heart, a very, very heavy heart indeed, I say… Goodbye…
...gOoDByE...
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
sTuPiD WoRm...
Have you ever had that nagging feeling that something is wrong? That something is just not right. But the problem is you don’t know what it is. So it starts to nag at you. Starts to eat at you like a worm feasting on a juicy leaf. And still you have no clue what is wrong and how to even begin to fix it.Yeah, I had a few of those… Usually after awhile I finally figured out what was wrong. But there are times that I don’t and the feeling just goes away. Perhaps the problem just solved itself or the worm has already finished the leaf, who’s to really know.
So why am I writing this in my entry? I honestly don’t know. Maybe, just maybe I’m having that nagging feeling… or just maybe I watched too much TV this morning.
Oh well, I’m in no mood to write anyway. Maybe I am nagged… oh well…
Thursday, January 25, 2007
dReAmLaNd....
Dreams. Just the words makes you want to lay back, relax and close your eyes. Oh okay, I admit it, I am a little sleepy… he he he…Anyway, dreams to me can be categorize into two groups, one where you sleep and the other where you let your mind wander. I do both. Although the ones I have when I’m asleep usually are less controlled by me but if I dream of something good the feelings seems to be with me the whole day through. As for remembering these dreams… Well usually I remember part of it but sometimes I don’t remember anything at all. People say that dreams are simply your minds way of resting. Then there are those who say that dreams are an indication of something. A sign for “something”. But surely they can’t mean all the dreams are signs? I mean I understand a few being meaningful and have a “sign” quality towards it but most are utter nonsense. Trust me, I know my dreams.
So is there truth to these words? I honestly don’t know. But I do however strongly believe that sometimes when you want something so bad you will see it in your dream. And sometimes when you suppress your feelings it will vent out in your dream as well. So yeah, the mind factor does play strongly in my belief of dreams.
As for the other kind of dream… Well, sometimes I simply let my mind wander. Sometimes it doesn’t even relate to me. Sometimes I simply dream of other people and their lives. Sometimes I dream of a world full of magic or a world full of futuristic technologies… Okay, so I’m a big fan of TV. So no surprise there… he he he… Not to mention my love for reading story books and novels. As for a dream about myself… I rarely do those… Why? I don’t know why. I just don’t. A dream I have for myself is basic really. Maybe that’s why I don’t dream about it as much. My dream is simply to be happy. So I guess it would be dull and boring to dream of that… he he he…
Or maybe those other dreams of other people are just my way of expressing my wants and my dreams… I don’t know for sure but perhaps it’s true. Perhaps deep down I’m just afraid of dreaming the impossible with me as the main character that I hide myself behind all these characters… Okay, enough about that. I hate to dwell on deep thoughts and thinking… he he he… So let’s just leave it at that…
Wait a minute, is that a pillow I see? He he he…
sOfT piLLow...
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
liMiTs...
Limits. Everyone has one for something. When someone reaches their limits that’s when they say, “Enough”. But for some reason most people have problem saying enough when it comes to money, he he he… However, that’s not the point of this entry.I often wonder about that invisible line between okay and not okay. When it comes to judging something, I’m just plain bad. So yeah, it’s scary sometimes.
He he he… Lucky for me I have always found friends that are patient with me. I have to admit I have stepped off the boundary more than a few times. So people say if you know your weakness, overcome it. Well, I’m seriously trying but it’s hard… In the meantime, I always tell people to tell me directly if I step out of line. That way, they don’t get too offended and I know not to repeat my mistake. I find this sometimes helps a lot. Sometimes I am way off that it surprises me when they said that I was on dangerous ground. This helps me keep my dear friends on ok terms with me. I’d certainly hate to lose them just because I’m bad at judging something.
Oh well, I guess I have reach, my limits for this entry… he he he…
i'M cLuELesS...
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
I mAdE ThIs...
Accomplishments. Daddy often accuses me of accomplishing nothing in my life. That I have yet to make a mark in this life. Okay, so part of it is true. A big part. It’s just that I have yet to find this drive to do something. Sure I want to accomplish something that I could say “I made this” but the want have yet to attack me with a strong current that makes it impossible for me not to do something.I guess I have yet the motivation. But yeah, I have my wants. I have things I want to do. Some of the things I guess would always remain just wants and some I would like to try at least once in my life. As for the when, where and how, well those have yet to be decided. One of those in the future plan.
And then there’s the things I want to do but I just simply lose the motivation. Why? Well I guess it’s just the things around me that put it down. To accomplish something takes time and effort those are the luxuries I don’t really have right now. In fact I can’t find myself sitting down for more than an hour without being needed elsewhere.
Am I complaining? Heck, no. My life is not perfect but I won’t trade it. There are things in this life that I wouldn’t want to risk losing. The downs aren’t so bad anyway. At times the downs are the ups. Oh well, whatever…
Hey, I made this… he he he…
